Is “Can’t” Ever Anything More Than a Choice?

Most of us have been told that “can’t” is simply a decision waiting to be overturned. A mindset issue. A lack of belief. A story we should rewrite with more grit or determination.

But that is only part of the picture.

When someone says they “can’t”, it often lands like a brick wall. A dead end. Yet in reality, “can’t” is usually a signal. A placeholder for something deeper. Fear, overwhelm, conditioning, a learned pattern, or a nervous system that simply does not have the capacity to see alternatives in that moment.

This is where choice becomes interesting.

Choice is not only cognitive. It is biological, psychological and contextual. Two people can stand in the same situation and one feels entirely free, while the other cannot see a single option. Not because they are weak, but because their wiring, their past experience and their current state shape what feels possible.

“Can’t” invites us to look beneath the surface.

Is this a genuine limitation?
Is it a protective response?
Is it a story rooted in earlier years?
Is it a nervous system doing its best to keep things familiar?

Sometimes “can’t” really does mean “not yet”.
Sometimes it means “I do not feel safe making that choice”.
Sometimes it means “I have not been shown another way”.

So is “can’t” ever more than a choice?

Yes. Because our capacity to choose is influenced by the emotional, neurological and environmental forces acting on us at any moment. The more resourced and regulated we are, the wider our field of options. The more overwhelmed or under-supported we are, the narrower that field becomes.

Compassion matters.
Awareness matters.
Curiosity matters.

And while I naturally lean towards possibility and growth, it is important to recognise that there are moments when “can’t” is real. Not imagined. Not a mindset glitch. A genuine constraint shaped by the human experience.

Here are a few examples that reflect this reality.

Biological or neurological limitations
Someone with a spinal injury cannot run a marathon in the same physical sense as someone with full motor function. Someone with severe ASD or brain trauma may not process certain stimuli or cues, regardless of effort. These are not mindset hurdles. They are neurological realities.

Even here, choice does not disappear. It simply shifts. The decision becomes about support, adaptation, environment or pacing rather than the exact action itself.

When safety is compromised
A person in survival mode cannot access the same choices as someone who feels safe. The prefrontal cortex goes quiet. Options narrow. This is physiology, not failure. “Can’t” in this context is real in the moment, though rarely permanent.

When access is limited
Some constraints are circumstantial. A single parent working multiple jobs may genuinely be unable to attend evening classes. Someone without a financial buffer may not be able to take a specific risk. Resources shape reality. Support expands it.

When belief systems act like hard rules
Conditioning can be so deeply embedded that certain actions feel unavailable until new psychological resources are formed. That is not stubbornness. That is how the mind protects itself. Here again, “can’t” is true for now, yet open to evolution.

When there is no internal model of possibility
You cannot choose what your brain has never seen. If a particular life, behaviour or identity has never been modelled, the nervous system has no blueprint for it. Exposure creates new options.

So yes, “can’t” can be more than a choice. But it is rarely a life sentence. Growth mindset does not deny limitations. It reframes them. It recognises that human beings are astonishingly adaptable, yet not always able to access that adaptability at every moment.

This is where the real work begins.

If you are standing at a crossroads, sensing a block, questioning your next direction or struggling to access clarity, you are not alone. Sometimes “can’t” is simply a sign that something in you is ready to shift, evolve or be understood differently.

If you are feeling that push and you want support to move through it, you are welcome to reach out.
A conversation can open options you cannot yet see and help you make the choices that carry you into your next level. Message me here.