Self-Worth vs. Validation: Have We Gone Too Far With Radical Self-Responsibility?

There’s a mantra echoing across the entrepreneurial world right now.
“Your happiness is your responsibility.”
“Don’t rely on others to make you feel whole.”
“Self-care is self-sourced.”

And for the most part, I agree.

I’ve built my life and business on the belief that we are the authors of our own experience. That we hold the pen, even when life hands us a painful plot twist. That freedom lives in taking full ownership of our wellbeing, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially.

But lately, I’ve been feeling the tension between that radical self-responsibility and something deeply human within me.
A need that’s quieter, but no less vital.
A need for connection. For affirmation. For reciprocity.

It made me wonder…

In our pursuit of wholeness within, have we forgotten how much we need one another?

The Rise of Hyper-Independence in a Hyper-Connected World

Entrepreneurship often attracts the self-driven. The resilient. The ones who’ve learned not to depend on anyone.

But that independence, once a survival mechanism, can quietly become isolation.

We carry the pressure to be everything for ourselves:

• Our own cheerleader.
  

• Our own motivator.
  

• Our own problem-solver, strategist, and therapist.
  

And yes, it’s empowering to know you can handle life without falling apart. But when that becomes your default, it starts to erode something crucial:

The ability to receive.

To be held in our messy moments.
To be uplifted by kind words.
To let someone remind us we matter, especially when we’ve forgotten.

And here’s the kicker, science tells us we’re made for this.

The Neuroscience of Connection & Validation

Let’s ground this in what we know about the human brain.

From an evolutionary perspective, we are tribal beings. Connection equals survival. For hundreds of thousands of years, our ancestors relied on the group for safety, nourishment, and emotional regulation.

Today, the brain still interprets connection as a signal of safety. And when we receive genuine affirmation from another human being, our brain releases dopamine (associated with pleasure and motivation) and oxytocin (the bonding hormone). These neurochemicals strengthen our sense of belonging and actually support resilience.

But here’s where it gets really interesting…

We also co-regulate our nervous systems. According to Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, safety isn’t just internal. It’s relational. When we’re in the presence of someone calm, kind, and attuned to us, our own nervous system shifts into regulation. Heart rate steadies. Breathing slows. Cortisol drops.

This is not weakness.
It’s biology.
It’s how we’re wired.

Self-Sourced vs. Shared: A Healthier View of Validation

There’s a difference between needing constant approval to feel okay, and welcoming affirmation as a part of being in relationship.

The former is disempowering.
The latter is deeply nourishing.

So how do we know when we’ve crossed the line?

Ask yourself: is your inner worth intact and are you still open to receiving?

When we reject all external validation in the name of “doing the work,” we can shut out love, support, and the kind of feedback that grows us.

It’s not about being dependent on others.
It’s about being interdependent.

That’s the space where healthy adults thrive. Especially in business.

Digital Culture, Disconnection & The Entrepreneurial Mask

Let’s not ignore the elephant in the room: digital life.

We’re more “connected” than ever, yet many of us feel lonelier than we’ve ever been.

Social media amplifies performance.
We show our wins, not our wounds.
We’re taught to market with confidence, even when we’re crumbling behind the scenes.

And in entrepreneurial circles, there’s a growing trend of bypassing emotion altogether.
Everything becomes mindset. Strategy. Data.
But humans are more than brains with goals.

We’re wired to feel. To connect. To be mirrored by others.

Without that, burnout isn’t just likely. It’s inevitable.

A New Philosophy of Power: Receiving Without Losing Yourself

So here’s what I’m learning, and unlearning.

• I can be grounded in my own worth and light up when someone sees me.
  

• I can show up for myself and allow others to support me.
  

• I can take full responsibility for my wellbeing and thrive in safe, reciprocal relationships.
  
  We need both.
  Inner strength.
  And external connection.

Not either/or. Both/and.

So where do we go from here?

Start with reflection:

• Are you open to being affirmed, or do you resist it?
  

• Have you been trying to do too much alone?
  

• Could your self-care practices include letting someone in?
  

Entrepreneurship doesn’t have to be a solo journey.
It’s richer when you’re surrounded by people who get it.
Who see you. Who remind you of your brilliance when you’ve forgotten it yourself.

This is the conversation we’re having inside our Born To Be Brilliant® community.
We go beyond surface success and explore what it means to thrive holistically, in your health, your business, your relationships, and your soul.

If you’re craving that deeper kind of connection, come and join us.

You were never meant to do this alone.

👉 Join the Born To Be Brilliant Membership here